Fantasy Sports Chat

Monday, September 11, 2006

Week 1 Thoughts and Recap

This was a busy weekend in sports, but everyone's attention was glued to opening weekend in football.
(Also, a side note that hockey training camps open up. Being in Canada that's a more popular topic around the watercooler than, why the Bills choked against New England, but that's irrelevant.)

My money league team (Team No Fat Chicks) decided to take this week off and pretend not to play. They did not live up to the name as they forgot yesterday was opening day and were hanging around the all you can eat buffet. My most productive player was Michael Jenkins, who conviently was on my bench, because of some bizzare thought that Carolina's defense would manhandle him and the Falcons. Son of a.....
My team was lead by Tom Brady (3 passing yards in the first half against Buffalo, 3 no that is not a misprint.) I thought about how much I dispised him. Then the Buccanners against the Ravens. Oh, the Ravens how I loathe you now even more so. So, nothing out of Michael Clayton and nothing out of Cadillac Williams.
In fact I only had 3 'players' achieve more than 10 points due to our crazy scoring system. (Josh Brown with 11, Hines Ward with 11, and the winner is the Seattle defense with 15.) Nothing, love out of anything. Meanwhile as of this morning my opponent has a 77-68 lead on me, meanwhile he still has LaMont Jordan, McCardell, Santana Moss and the Redskins defense. Are you frickin kidding me. I am so pissed.
That lead me to my brilliant idea of THE LIST (mainly me writing and venting to people who ruined my lovely Sunday afternoon.)
To: Deion Branch
Re: Get your Ass on the field

Last I checked, you don't win friends over whining and complaining about not getting paid enough. While you obviously need your teammates as much as they need you. You want the money, shut up and play. Flat out. Because, you can't see the light, you cost my Fantasy 'Golden Boy', Tom Brady some good numbers. Watch your back, you have made the list.
To: J.P. Losman
Re: You Don't Take Safeties and Win Games
This one is really self explanatory. Think about it. You are outplaying the New England Patriots, which shouldn't happen and once again you destroy the love of football in Western New York by letting the victory slip away quicker than a drunk one-night stand. Also, hey I have a great idea. Let's not throw the ball to Lee Evans he is our number 1 receiver, but hey I hear Robert Royal has game and we can't forget about the big-play capabilities of Rosco Parrish.
To: Tampa Bay Buccanneers
Re: moving the ball
Jon Gruden is an offensive genius, oh wait. Rich Gannon is no longer MVP. No, he is in Tampa Bay, right. You play Baltimore, who has a good defense, but you gotta establish a running game. Hey, let's run the ball 13 times the entire game. Note to Jon Gruden, Chris Simms isn't Peyton Manning and this isn't Madden football. You can't throw 34 out of 47 plays and win games, for that matter really scare anyone. Especially with the receiving core of Micheal Clayton (34 yards, 3 catches) leading in yardage.
There is one positive though, Chris Simms now knows the difference between the white jersey of Baltimore and the red jersey of Tampa Bay. Don't throw to the white ones at home, that's a bad thing (as proven by the 3 picks.)
To: Brett Farve
Re: What a performance
The last time I saw a shitty performance like that out of Farve was watching "There's Something About Mary" You should have done the right thing here, let Green Bay know if you were going to come back, then give them some time to find some talent around you. I think you should be back home enjoying your retirement, nothing is more sad than watching a veteran hang on for too long. I am starting the Aaron Rodgers watch, any takers??
and Finally
To: Jerome Bettis
Re: Opening Night
Nice dance in the suit on the field. You gotta give the man some props for still breaking out the patented Bettis jig, while not destroying the suit. Also, coming in on the school bus. That was simply the shit.
That's Good.....
Kurt Warner (ARZ) Quarterback Rating of 114.8
Chad Pennington (NYJ) Over 300 yards, I don't care if it was against the Titans, I think he can be a contributor.
Warrick Dunn (ATL) 132 yards, who needs Duckett.
Donte' Stallworth (PHI) nice debut with 141 yard receiving and a TD. Who needs TO?
Welcome back from oblivion....
Antonio Bryant (SF) 114 yards receiving
Ahman Green (GB) 100 yards rushing (Someone decided to play for Green Bay)
Alex Smith (SF) 288 yards passing. There are signs of life in San Fransisco.

The Bad.....
Shaun Alexander (SEA) you played Detroit, come on. Detroit really isn't your place is it? Please tell me the fumbles aren't the beginning of Tiki Barber fumblitis.
Larry Johnson (KC) no 100+ rushing, no TD, no love, injured QB. Yep, you definately choked. Cincinnati defense may be improved, but it's not an elite defense.

Your thoughts on week 1....
Until then,



Blogger Webs said...

Words can't describe the laughter I had while reading this. Let's go through this one by one:
You got your wish with Deion Branch, he's playing again, but with N.F.C's defense (damn u branch, damn u to the underbelly of the heavens). The J.P. Losman comment just speaks for it will be in the profile. I didnt even realize Simms threw that much--Im pretty sure the Ravens appreciated that. I can't bad mouth Favre--he was playing Da bears who looked like one of the most dangerous teams in football now that they can score. I am still timid to put faith in Grossman, so Ill put as much faith in him as my ex. not poisoning me with a dinner she cooked. How bout my Niners boy--Vernon Davis is a rock and Alex Smith actually looked like a QB. Tough draw against the high-octane red birds from the desert, but good showing--there may be life there after all. I don't think you gave LJ enough credit--somehow in the yahoo league, he racked in 390 points.

Here's my abridged list:
To: Jake Plummer
Re: Jake "the fake" has returned. I hope your knees are healing nicely after blowing the game. In a point-inflated yahoo league, you managed 11pts. I don't know whether to laugh at your existance or yack all over the place at your rancid display of athleticism.

To: Zebras
Re: Way to screw the giants like a girl on prom night. With your "phantom" pass interference call, you may as well have handed the game over. In addition, in the Bills game, announcers and fans alike were perplexed and boggled even after you blew dead a would-be interception return. Regardless of the block-in-the-back call (which was questionable at best), you later explained he went out at the 38 yrd line---ummm what? Maybe the replay was off, but im pretty sure he was a good 5-10ft at any one time during that run from the sideline.

To: Matt Juba
Re: Thanks for cheering me up and a good laugh today. Great blog.

You see my ND boys on Saturday--they nasty. Tell Joe Paterno to stick it somewhere unholy after calling an onside kick with under a minute remaining (41-10 score) and then a timeout with 12 secs left--thats classy coaching.

12:24 PM  

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