Fantasy Sports Chat

Monday, September 18, 2006

The List (Week 2)

Another week has passed and first let's hear it for the Tenacious D of Western New York!
No, I don't mean the off-color humorous band featuring Jack Black, but the defense of the mighty Buffalo Bills throwing around Daunte Culpepper like a rag doll. More importantly, the Bills won. They evened their record at 1-1, preparing for a home opener next weekend against the New York Jets (who lost a close game to New England, but mainly because of some miraculous plays and poor Patriot tackling.)

Once again, my money league team, spent way too much time in the buffet line as team No Fat Chicks, were beaten with 2x4's and broken beer bottles. My team, which went down hill, when we had to draft in early August and then Dominack Davis went down for the year. But that's besides the point. 0-2 to start the year, makes me very very very angry and pissed off. My whole team has made 'The List'

To: Rex Grossman
Re: Stop Ruining my Life
Okay, we get it. You went to Florida and thought hey I used to be a run n' gun quarterback, If I spent more time on my feet, throwing the ball downfield I then bending over and taking it deep, then I should be fine.
Me: You stupid little (beep)(beep)(beep). My opponent had Trent Green as his other qb, and I am thinking that we are made and we are going to even our record at 1-1. Yeah, Um no.
To: Jon Gruden
Re: Your Ass From a Hole in the Ground
Your offense is so bad, it couldn't beat a bunch of high school football players in a beer chugging contest. You can't pass, You definately can't run. You are forcing me to stop liking Cadillac Williams. If you don't step up, then I along with the city of Tampa Bay, will probably hunt you down and kick your ass. Atlanta misses 4 FG's. Four! That's unheard of in the NFL and you still manage to suck on it hard. You stupid little....

To: Cadillac Williams and Michael Clayton
Re: One Irate GM
You two are the biggest a-holes on the planet. I get it, Chris Simms isn't Brian Griese. Hell, he's not even Phil Simms (the retired, fat, old commentator not the player). But, not everything is this kid's fault. You even the big money. Damn it, act like you deserve it, play like you deserve it. Otherwise, You are dead to me.
To: Tom Brady
Re: Throw the ball, and stop being an idiot
After your 'lucky' game against the Jets, you look like you are going to cry. Because they never should have been in the game towards the end. You lost, Deion Branch and David Givens, but management decided to give you the Trent Green syndrome. We have a quarterback who is good, but let's give him the shittiest receivers in the world, so he can be the worst of the top flight quartbacks. But, it's okay but we have three mother-F*ing running backs, who couldn't help Brady rack up passing yards. That's right, that's the job of Reche Caldwell. Are you kidding me? No wonder, Brady looks like he is crying. It's because he is.
To: Miami Offensive Line
From: Daunte Culpepper
Thanks for making the Bills Defense look like the Steel Curtain of the 1970's. If you give me just 5 seconds I could make a pass, but I need some pass protection. I am Way more important than you and I will show you how Culpepper does things around here. I know people.
PS- You should drive your own cars to the stadium, by yourself unless you are carpooling with other offensive linemen.
To: Football Fans Everywhere
From: New Orleans
Thanks for giving us a Monday night showdown with Atlanta. Reggie Bush is the renaissance of New Orleans.

The Good:
Rex Grossman - QB Chicago (Yeah, you really can't ignore the nastiest numbers of the week)
Chad Pennington - QB New York Jets (I know, he got wicked lucky out of some fluke plays from his receivers, but the shoulder is looking like it could be okay this season)
Jericho Cotchery - WR New York Jets (I mean, did you see that catch, it was filthy. Catch of the Year, in only week 2)
Peyton Manning - WB Indianapolis (400+ yards, I don't care if it was against Houston)
Rudi Johnson - RB Cincinnati (140+ yards rushing and 2 TD's just in time for the Pittsburgh game next weekend)

The Bad:
Everyone on my fantasy team.
The Tennessee Titans Offense
The Tampa Bay Buccanneers Offense
Michael Konenen, K Atlanta (0-4 on FG's and you still win the game, wow)
*also, the Falcons signed Morten Anderson out of a 2 year retirement, but don't worry Konenen you always have punting to fall back on.

Until next week,

- Let's hope team, No Fat Chicks finally leaves the buffet line and finds their way to victory
I Loathe You Will Everything I Have:
Tom Brady, Duece McAllister, Cadillac Williams, Lee Evans, Hines Ward, Michael Clayton, Mark Clayton, Michael Jenkins, Todd Heap, Josh Brown, and Rex (Whore) Grossman.

Until next time.


Anonymous Webicoles said...

Rex Grossman is my homeboy Jubs. And Berrian is nasty. I'm not gonna lie, Thomas Jones looks like he has his stuff back and the Bears running game is taking off. Here's an idea for your coming weeks....power rankings. Here's mine:
1.) Chicago--Rex not so "Gross"man
2.) Indy--Harrison not aging and oh yah, that guy named Peyton
3.) Baltimore--McNair has sparked the offense
4.) San Diego--D has been nasty
5.) Seattle--Even without Alexander, they're still money
6.) Philly--McNabb is the early candidate for comeback player of the year
7.) Cincy--Better than how they played against the pats
8.) New England--If Brady picked it up, they'd be nasty
9.)Dallas--One of the nastiest receiving cores in the league
10.)Atlanta--Vick needs to run more
11.)Denver--Can Cutler actually pass more than 15 times and be successful?
12.)New Orleans--Still not sold on them, but they are 3-1
13.)Carolina--Smith is back and they're 2-0 since
14.)Jags--Two tough back-to-back losses, could be higher, but their offense is not consistent
15.)Redskins--Nice win over the Jags, but I still don't think they're better overall than them
16.)Rams--They're 3-1, but that defense is still pretty suspect
17.)Steelers--Ben needs to bounce back
18.)Jets--The J-E-T-S-S-S are actually doing fairly W-E-L-L-L
19.)Bills--Is Losman the real deal, or are they still the one drive fluke we've come to know and love?
20.)NY Giants--Their defense is sucking, they should be hire, but they just haven't shown it
21.)Vikings--Brad Johnson showing his age
22.)Chiefs--Until they get Green back, they don't break my top 20
23.)Cardinals--Great offense, a defense worse than a drunk chick on prom night
24.)Lions--Very much so underachieving
25.)Browns--hmmmm, yup thats pretty much the Cleveland style
26.)49ers--Gore, stop fumbling the ball
27.)Packers--Green's injured, Favre's ailing, what else is new?
28.)Texans--Not a bad O, but their D gives up 400pts a game
29.)Dolphins--Hey Ronnie Brown, run the ball already!
30.)Titans--Can Vince Young turn it around?
32.)Raiders--No California Love here

7:59 PM  

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